Marriage, and then fatherhood has challenged the strength of many of my outside relationships. Even progressing from casual to semi-serious in a simple dating relationship will cause inevitable changes to your friends list.
Once I had kids, disposable “free time” sort of disappeared – and it was tough to deal with. I still have many friends who do not have kids and they maintain an enviable social life. I also have friends who are in a relationship or married that I just don’t see anymore. These things happen, all the time actually.
One other example of friends list consolidation that I can remember happened right after high school and continued until the end of college. Friends went different places, created new relationships and started new lives for themselves. I’m happy for them! Not upset that we lost touch, not upset that they don’t call. I will see them again soon I am sure! I would be lying if I told you it didn’t suck to lose touch with some friends. I guess in high school, I felt like things would never change. Goes to show you how nieve I was – even though I thought I had it all figured out.
More recently, I feel bad saying no about 90% of the time when asked if I want to grab a drink after work or play golf over the weekend. It’s just so hard to find the time. That doesn’t mean that “no” is an acceptable answer and some might say that 10% isn’t enough “me time”. I feel that “to each, his own” works perfectly here.
What I feel today is that bests friends take a different shape as a young adult. Best friends are found in family members, partners, and even your kids!
Live fully with the life you have in front of you. Your spouse might be your best friend, good for you! Your child or children might be your best friend(s), beautiful! Your friends list, which might feel smaller today than in the past, is still full of the best that list ever had to offer! Spend time with those you love, be present and enjoy!
One of my best friends is pictured to the right. I didn’t consider him a “bestie” until I realized how much time we spend together and how happy he makes me feel! He changed my perspective on friendship. This little guy made me understand that even though life has changed and “guy time” really isn’t a reality as much as it used to be, I can still enjoy the pleasure of friendship without having to go too far.
Love you buddy!